the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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