it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
