He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
