the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
How's work?
Spinning.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
