well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
