woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
