she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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