Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize