i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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