Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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