i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
