He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
