I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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