He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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