she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize