So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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