ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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