You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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