After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
