I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
