will power is for people who don't want to get laid
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
