It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
