I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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