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Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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