and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
