i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
