Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize