Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
