Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
