I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
