my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize