another moral hangover. fuck.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
