Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
