Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
