Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
