I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
