It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
