My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
