I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
