Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
