I think scott just propositioned me for sex
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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