i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
please come you make the beer taste better
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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