i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
