if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
