singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
