I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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