atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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