How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
