In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
