Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
