Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
