she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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