There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
