I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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