I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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