At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
wow bdsm is so cute
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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