I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
And then my night got REAL pukey
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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