Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
don't judge my taste in strippers
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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