it was like fucking gandolphs beard
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
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