yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
