I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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