I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Life is so much better after having sex.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
