The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize