Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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