he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
