so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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