now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
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