in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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