did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
