Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Randomize
