Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
