I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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