I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
