Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
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