Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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