no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
