I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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