nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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