good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
