Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
