I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
