She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
