look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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