and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
