fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
