farters have to be the big spoon...
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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