BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
