shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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