Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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