And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
