I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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