I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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