my mouth tastes like poor choices
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Operation Purity has been aborted
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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