my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
