It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
