i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
