I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
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