she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
