I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
