u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
