just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
