So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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