I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
